


All of My Heroes Die All Alone

by stateofevans



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:53:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24203167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stateofevans/pseuds/stateofevans
Summary: a Harry Potter fix it that takes after the Battle of Hogwarts
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood, Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	1. One

Harry Potter stood there, wand at the ready, keeping his eye on Voldemort’s unmoving body. Harry let out a breath, slowly moving closer to the body. He wanted to believe it was over, after seventeen years, the threat of Voldemort was truly gone. Harry, who couldn’t believe that it was truly over, stood over Voldemort’s body until he heard the cheers from the students and teachers around him who had watched the entire thing. Only then did Harry lower his wand and look around. There was so much death because of him. Harry never wanted anyone to die for him. 

“Harry!” Harry turned to see Hermione running towards him, he had just enough time to brace himself for her hug. He hugged her back, letting the tension leave his body. It was truly over.

“Let him breathe, ‘Mione.” Hermione pulled away and Harry saw Ron standing a few feet away. Ron wasn’t looking at Harry, though, he was looking at the corpse “Is he really dead?” Harry turned around, looking at Voldemort again, Hermione and Ron joining him at his side. “I thought it would be more dramatic than that.” 

“Me too. The wand doesn’t work against its keeper.” Hermione glanced at Harry. “It was Malfoy’s and then when I disarmed him, it became mine. Voldemort thought it was Snape’s, that's why he had to kill him.”

“But it was yours.” Harry nodded, looking at the Elder Wand that was laying a few feet away. Harry wanted nothing to do with it. 

“Harry! Harry oh my dear!” Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned, seeing Mrs. Weasley and the rest of her family coming into the courtyard. They were all safe; covered in blood and dirty, but they were safe. 

“Mrs. Weasley.” She smiled, putting both hands on his cheeks before pulling him into one of the tightest hugs. 

“Thank goodness you’re alright. Sirius was going mad after you had snuck off! We had to send him up to the Hufflepuffs since they still believe he’s a criminal and would listen to whatever he told them to do.” Sirius. Harry had forgotten about his godfather. When Mrs. Weasley eventually pulled away, she knew immediately what Harry wanted to know. “He’s in the west wing hallway, before the Hufflepuff dormitory. Last I checked, he was being calmed down by Remus. He almost followed you down to the encha-” Harry took off running to where Sirius was. Harry’s only family left was somewhere in the castle. 

Harry quite literally ran into Sirius and Lupin. He ran around the corner, and bounced back, falling on to the ground, only to look up to see Sirius. 

“Harry!” Sirius pulled Harry off the ground, pulling him into a tight hug. “You don’t get to run away with nothing more than telling me you know what to do. When I saw Hagrid carrying your dead body, I almost killed Voldemort myself.” 

“I took care of that myself, Sirius.” Both Sirius and Lupin looked at Harry. “We fought in the courtyard and his wand, well, my wand, I guess, backfired.” 

“He’s dead?” Lupin looked out the window, seeing the gathering of Hogwarts students, staff, and the Order in the courtyard. Harry nodded to Sirius. 

“It’s over, Sirius, for good this time.” 

“Your parents would have been proud of you, you know that Harry, don’t you?” Harry nodded, letting Sirius pull him into another hug. “It’s over Harry, you did it.” 

“So many people died because of me. I never wanted anyone to die because of me.”

“People die in war, Harry, there was nothing you could do to prevent it. They fought because you gave them hope. They know you didn’t ask them to.” Harry knew that, honestly, but he couldn’t help but feel that he was to blame for all the death that happened there tonight. “Let’s go down to your friends, they’ll want to see you.” 

“I...I can’t…I want to be alone for a bit.” Sirius nodded, understanding that Harry was overwhelmed and that a crowd wouldn’t help. 

“I’ll send Ron up in an hour, how does that sound?”

“Thank you.” Harry watched as Sirius and Lupin walked past him and down the stairs and Harry was alone. 

~~

Harry walked into the Gryffindor common room and glanced around. He saw all the memories he had made in the common room. He remembered walking in the common room for the first time, not knowing Hermione yet and not knowing that the best memories he had would be made in this room. He silently walked up to the dormitories. Another boy’s items, probably a first year’s, was on the bed that Harry had claimed as his the first night. Harry remembered the nights that he and Ron spent talking about the Quidditch match that day. He remembered seeing Peter Pettigrew on the Marauders' Map his third year. 

“Harry?!” Harry turned, walking to the balcony above the common room, seeing Ginny looking around in search for him. When she looked up to him, he couldn’t help a small smile slip on his face. She smiled, making her way up to the balcony, leaning her arms against it, mirroring Harry. 

“It feels like it was just yesterday that I was walking in here for the first time. There are kids in that courtyard that will never experience Hogwarts because they were killed. They were killed because of me, Ginny.”

“Harry-”

“It  _ is _ because of me. If I had just died the night Voldemort tried to kill me, none of this would have happened. If I killed him when I was in the graveyard during the tournament; I could’ve ended it that night and I didn’t. I could’ve killed him in the Ministry of Magic. I had chances, I just didn’t take them and because of that, kids died.” 

“That’s the difference between you and Voldemort, though. You didn’t grow up wanting to kill anyone or take control of any race. You didn’t believe that one type of wizard was better than the other. You wanted to protect everyone, even those you didn’t know personally. The final spell you cast against Voldemort was a disarming charm, not the killing curse. Those deaths weren’t your fault. Professor McGongall asked for them to go back to the dorms, but they fought because you gave them hope. They wanted to fight with hope that you’d make tomorrow better. Don’t blame yourself for that. Don’t live the rest of your life with guilt. You saved us. You gave their deaths meaning.” Harry felt Ginny slide her hands into his and he glanced at her.

“Ginny if I didn’t come ba-”

“You wouldn’t have gotten the horcruxes.” Harry looked at her curiously. “Ron and Hermione told me. They wanted to give you time alone like Sirius said. Focus on the good, Harry. It’s over. You can go to sleep without having to wake up and wonder if Voldemort was around the corner. You can be normal.” 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be normal.” Ginny smiled. 

“Good thing I don’t like normal then, huh?” Harry smiled, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. “C’mon, everyone’s in the Great Hall wanting to see you.” Harry’s smile dropped. “Ron and Hermione won’t leave your side and Sirius already told everyone to give you space. They just want to cheer I suppose. Mum is trying to get some food while the Order cleans up Hogwarts. None of us have eaten since supper.”

“I don’t think I could stomach food.”

“Come just for the company then.” Harry agreed and let Ginny pull him down the steps of the dormitory and out of the comfort of Gryffindor’s common room. 


	2. Two

The Great Hall’s doors were blasted off, so Harry wasn’t even given a minute to ready himself before cheers from hundreds of people surrounded him. Harry let Ginny pull him through the crowd to the front of the hall where Harry could see his friends and Sirius standing. Sirius waved him over and Harry walked up the steps, his hand still gripping Ginny’s, and went towards Sirius. 

“Turn around, Harry, just smile a bit and then everyone will bug off,” Sirius whispered into Harry’s ear. Harry listened, letting himself be turned around so he was facing the crowd. He looked out into the crowd, seeing his classmates and fellow Gryffidors cheer for him. He felt relief when he saw his friends together, cheering for him as well. Neville, his head wrapped, had his arm wrapped around Luna, who’s nose had a trickle of blood coming from her nose. Fred and George, standing above everyone else, cheering with the rest of the Gryffindor quidditch team. 

Sirius moved so he was in front of Harry and held his hands up. Harry was glad, he slowly started to walk back towards the rest of his friends, wanting to just hide among them. 

“I think Mrs. Weasley has gotten a meal prepared for everyone so everyone take a seat and we’ll sta-”

“How’d he do it?!” Harry glanced up at the voice, seeing one of the Slytherin standing up, while everyone else stopped moving to also glance. “How’d a  _ boy _ kill Lord Voldemort?” Everyone’s eyes moved from the Slytherin to Harry. 

“He doesn’t have to answer that. You all saw the body just like the rest of us.” This time it was Hermione. “C’mon Harry, let’s go sit down.” She grabbed his hand, pulling Harry towards the Gryffindor table, in turn pulling Ginny.

“We have a right to know!” This time it was a Ravenclaw that Harry didn’t recognize. Hermione continued to pull Harry, but he slid his hand out of Hermione’s causing Ginny to crash into his back. 

“Voldemort used a wand that wasn’t his. It’s the most powerful wand in the world and it was Professor Dumbledore’s. When Draco Malfoy disarmed Dumbledore during our sixth year, the wand went to him. Then, when I disarmed Malfoy earlier this year, it became mine. A wand, not even a wand with that much power, can be used effectively against its holder. Voldemort believed it was Snape’s, so he didn’t know it wouldn’t work. His spell was weakened and when our spells connected, his backfired. That’s it.”

“So you got lucky!” This time it was another Ravenclaw. It was Marcus Belby if Harry remembered him correctly. 

“Why should it matter? Voldemort is dead and Harry’s here. Why should it matter how he’s done it,” Ginny butted in, pulling Harry along to their usual seats at the Gryffindor table, Ron and Hermione and the rest of their friends joining shortly after. Harry felt all eyes on him, but his friends made sure to distract him. Soon, it was almost like it was just another feast in the Great Hall, except for the rubble around them. 

“May I have your attention?” The chatter died down and all heads turned towards the front where Professor McGonagall now stood. “I have contacted all of the parents of those of you who attend Hogwarts. I have told them of the events and that Lord Voldemort is dead. Hogwarts will be closed for repairs for the rest of the year. That means that all final exams will be cancelled. Harry smiled as all the students cheered, remembering his second year at Hogwarts. He leaned over to Ron and Hermione whispering, “Remember when Dumbledore cancelled finals after The Chamber of Secrets happened and you were upset, Hermione.” Ron smiled, as Hermione just rolled her eyes. 

“Furthermore, we shall reopen in the fall. Those of you who would wish to return will be welcomed in with open arms. If you do, however, choose to not return in the fall, I will have Professor Flitwick take your name down and we shall send you reports to the school that you will be transferring to.” 

“Who’d want to leave now? We have the best reputation.” Harry glanced over towards Hermione. “I mean, these are the teachers that taught Harry Potter. Any parent would be smart to send their student here.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry was glad that Ron asked that. “Harry isn’t something to be shown off, Hermione, you of all people know that.” 

“That’s not what I meant, Ron, seriously. It means that Hogwarts professors really do know how to teach.”

“I let myself get killed, Hermione. I  _ died _ in the forest. Voldemort wasn’t lying about that.” Everyone within earshot turned to look at Harry. Ginny frowned, finding Harry’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “Dumbledore knew I always was going to have to die. He didn’t know that I would be able to come back though.” 

“What’s the ‘pose to mean?” This time it was Ginny who asked him. “Dumbledore was preparing you for death?” Harry nodded. “That’s sick.” 

“He told me he always knew it was coming to this. Voldemort put a bit of his soul in me the night he tried to kill me. That’s why I was connected with him. I became the eighth horcrux that even Voldemort didn’t know about. I had to die to win.”

“That’s why you said goodbye to us.” This time it was Hermione. Harry nodded. “You thought that you weren’t coming back.” 

“I was ready to die. I was willing if it helped you defeat Voldemort. I knew you would stop me if I told you, I couldn’t have that chance and not take it.” Hermione sobbed while Ron just stared at Harry, urging him to go on. Harry was well aware that even McGonagall had stopped her speech to hear what Harry said. “I went down into the forest willingly and I didn’t even defend myself. I let him kill me. I woke up and there was just light around me and Dumbledore was there. He explained he knew that it would always come to this. He said he knew that I would always have to die for the sake of defeating Voldemort.”

“So he kept you alive so you would die at the opportune moment.” This time it was Sirius who was now standing behind Harry. Ron and Harry slid apart to let him sit. Sirius helped himself to the food that was in front of everyone, Ron going in for thirds while Harry had barely touched his food. “If he were still alive I’d kill him.” Harry smiled. “What exactly happened?”

“Not much. Voldemort just saw me and killed me quickly. Actually,” Harry looked around, seeing if he could find Draco in the hall. “Malfoy’s mother told Voldemort I was dead when I was awake. She saved me. Where is she?” Harry continued to look around before seeing Hermione, Ron, and Ginny looking at the table. “What?”

“They ran off. When Voldemort asked for supporters, Draco went to his parents and they ran. Sirius sent Kingsley to fetch them. They’re trying to round up all the Death Eaters this time. So there’s no way anyone can do anything and claim it’s for Voldemort.” Harry looked at Sirius. 

“We’ll give them a fair trial, Harry, I’ll make sure of it. Professor McGonagall is also going to let Draco come back here if he’d like. He was a minor for most of the time so we believe he had no choice. It’s based on what you have to say in his defense or against it. We’re not like them. I  _ know _ what it’s like to go to prison for somethi-” Sirius stopped and his eyes went to the door. Harry turned, seeing Kingsley had returned with the Malfoys. 

“Bring them to the dungeons. We shall deal with them after supper,” Lupin spoke gently, but with authority. Kingsley nodded, turning the family around, Draco making eye contact with Harry. Harry felt sick. He didn’t want any more suffering, they had all suffered enough. 

“I’m not hungry,” Harry pushed his food away. “I’m going to see the Malfoys.”

“We’ll come,” Ron said as he and Hermione stood up. “Don’t even try to tell us no, Harry, we’re coming.” Harry nodded, making his way out of the Great Hall, ignoring the stares he received. 

~~

Harry climbed over the last bit of rubble in the way and saw the Malfoys sitting in what was left of the potions classroom. Narcissa Malfoy was the first to see the trio, standing up, Draco looking to see what his mother had seen. 

“Come to gloat, Potter? Is this what you wanted?”

“Why’d you tell Bellatrix that you didn’t know it was me. You definitely knew that it was me. It could’ve been over before anyone else had to die.” Both Lucious and Narcissa Malfoy looked to Draco, who looked like he was trapped in a corner.

“So it was you?” 

“Don’t pretend you didn’t know, Malfoy. You knew I had your wand. Why didn’t you give me up?”

“What’s he talking about, Draco,” Lucious seemed to be interested in what Harry was saying now. 

“I don’t know. Maybe Potter’s finally gone mad.” Harry knew he was lying. 

“Sirius said that McGonagall told him that she’d welcome you back in the fall. It’s all based on what I have to say. I know you didn’t give me up just like I know why you couldn’t kill Dumbledore. You didn’t want any of this, Malfoy, and I can get you out of this if you want. I just want to know why you did it? You owe me nothing.” 

“Let’s just go, Harry, he’s obviously not going to tell you.” Ron was right, Harry knew that. Draco would never tell him anything while his father was there. 

“Narcissa.” Both of the Malfoy men looked towards her, waiting to see what Harry had to say. “Thank you for what you did in the forest. You risked your life for me, so thank you.” Harry turned around and walked away before Lucious or Draco asked what he was talking about. 


	3. three

“Harry?” Harry turned around in the armchair near the fire in the common room, seeing Hermione and Ron standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Why aren’t you asleep?” 

“Couldn’t sleep.” Hermione slowly walked over to Harry, sitting at his right as Ron sat to the left. 

“You could go and ask someone to give you a sleeping potion. Snape probably made batches of them.”

“I don’t want anything that Snape touched. I don’t care if he was supposed to be protecting me, Hermione, and he made my life a living hell. He followed my mom, Hermione, and he changed his Patronus so it would match my mother’s. He said he’d protect me and let me live in  _ hell _ in his class. I don’t want any of his potions.” 

“There must be something you could take. We can ask Professor McGonagall.”

“Hermione, I’ll be  _ fine _ . Eventually.”

“Do you even hear yourself, Harry? Someone can help you, just ask.” Harry sighed, leaning back. 

“I’ll talk to Sirius in the morning. One night won’t hurt me, Hermione. Let the rest of them sleep. I’ll be fine until tomorrow.” 

“Then we’ll stay with you.”

“Yea, besides, Seamus snores.” Harry snorted, knowing that Seamus did snore, but it never bothered Ron before. “You’re going to need to do better than that if you want us gone.” 

“If you guys don’t mind being tired I wouldn’t mind the company. I don’t think being alone right now would be the greatest for me.” 

“Of course we don’t mind. We traveled around Europe with you for a year, Harry, a bit of tiredness isn’t going to slow us down anymore.” Harry smiled at Hermione’s attempt at trying to cheer him up. It was nice having just the three of them back in the Gryffindor common room, it was a way for him to pretend that everything was the way it used to be. “I remember our first year here, I never thought we’d ever get the good armchairs. Now we’re all sitting on them and talking about a  _ battle _ we just fought and won.” 

“I died.” Hermione and Ron looked at Harry. “I let Voldemort kill me because it was what I was supposed to do, but I died. I stopped breathing and I saw Dumbledore. He said he always knew that I’d have to die. I was the one everyone died for and I came back.” 

“Harry-”

“No, Ron, if I could trade places with Fred, or Lavender, or even Kingsley, I would. I would gladly be dead completely than live knowing that they died for me. It’s my fault they died. Don’t try to say it’s not, because it is.” 

“But they would’ve fought even if you weren’t there.” The trio looked up to see Neville standing at the balcony. “Sorry, Dean and Seamus were talking and then they got to a little more talking so I decided to let them be.” Harry smiled and motioned for Neville to join them. “We would still all be fighting, Harry. We all would fight against You Kno-Voldemort. No one who died tonight from our side would  _ ever _ side with him, Harry. You didn’t ask for any of us to fight, we fought because we had hope.” Hermione and Ron nodded, agreeing with Neville. “You did hear me, right? When I talked to Voldemort today. I said that I wouldn’t join him, not now, not ever. You were dead, Harry, at least, we all thought you were dead. We still were ready to fight. You gave us hope, but you never asked nor forced us to fight for you. Don’t have all those deaths on your conscience. It’s not healthy.” 

“Neville, they were there because I was. I asked them to come.”

“We would have all been dead if they didn’t come, Harry,” Hermione interrupted. “Don’t say we wouldn’t because we know we would. You knowit . I know it. Everyone knows it.” When Harry didn’t answer, she looked at Ron. 

“Why don’t you, Ginny, and I play a round of Quidditch before leaving tomorrow?”

“The pitch is burned down, Ron.”

“The stands are, not the poles though. It’ll be like we were back at the Burrow. C’mon who knows when we’ll be back.” 

“What d’ya mean?” The three looked at Neville. “Aren’t you coming back next year?”

“Neville, we were supposed to be in our last year here.”

“Professor McGonagall said that we’re all able to come back. They’re making an eighth year just for our year. It’s because we really learned nothing all year. Except how to take a few beatings.”  
“Really?” Hermione looked actually pleased with the idea of coming back, while Harry and Ron looked at each other in pain. “That means we can actually be qualified for jobs. Harry, you can be an Auror.” 

“Oh. Uh, yeah I don’t think I want to do that. I’ve fought enough bad guys for my life.” Hermione and Ron dropped the subject, falling in silence, but Neville commented, “I mean, you could always teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. McGonagall would accept you right away. You were the best teacher I ever had and you were only a fifth year.” 

“Thanks, Neville. I’ll see. I don’t even know if I’ll get back here, though. I mean, would they really want me back here? All I did was get into trouble.”

“That’s because Voldemort was back. He’s gone now so how much trouble could we all get up to, honestly.” Ginny was now at the balcony, looking down on the four Gryffiondors. “Besides, you’re really not going to leave me with the rest of our friends, right? I feel like you’re the only thing that’s holding everyone together sometimes.” Harry snorted. Ginny was right. Half the reason why their friend group expanded was because of the D.A. Ginny made her way down, sitting in between Neville and Harry, leaning against Harry. 

“Oi! I’m right here!”

“Honestly, Ron, I’m  _ leaning _ against him. There’s not much that’s more innocent than that. Besides, he has to deal with you and Hermione snogging.” Harry laughed as Ron and Hermione blushed. “So, you’re not going to leave me alone with them, right? I don’t think the friendship would last.” 

“I’ll talk to Sirius.”

“So you’re not going back to the muggles? That means Hermione and I can visit all the time,” Ron chided, smiling. I swear you’ll never get rid of us now!”

“Oi! If you’re spending your summer away from home, I am too! Mum won’t get off me if it’s just us!” Harry smiled, liking the idea of his friends keeping him company, but he also knew that Sirius would want to spend time with just Harry. 

“I’ll send an owl when I’m ready to get away from Sirius for a while. I think we should all be with our families at first, just because we could’ve lost them.” Immediately Harry wished he could take it back. Both the Weasley fell silent and Neville and Hermione looked around like the common room was the most interesting thing. “Sorry. I didn’t even think.” Ron just shrugged. Harry leaned back on the couch, Ginny moving with him. 

“Harry, you  _ will _ write to us, right? Even if you don’t want us coming to Grimmauld Place this summer.”

“Yeah, course I will, Hermione. What makes you think I won’t?”

“Well, you always wrote us when there was news of Voldemort. Now that’s he’s gone, well, I don’t kno-”

“So you think because Voldemort is dead I won’t want to talk to you? How thick are you really?”

“Oi! That’s my girlfriend,” Ron yelled at the same time Hermione said, “Harry!” Harry sighed, standing up. 

“I’m going to bed. Night.” Harry didn’t appreciate the fact that one of his closest friends insinuated that they wouldn’t talk anymore because Voldemort was gone. Harry never wanted Hermione or Ron or any of his friends to believe that was why he was friends with them. Never did Harry think Hermione would be the one who thought that was. Before Dean or Seamus, who were now quietly whispering under Dean’s bedding, could ask Harry where he’d been, Harry collapsed on his bed and closed his eyes, wishing for anything but sleep to come to him. 


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry talks with Ginny.

“So I finally can live with you?” Harry looked across the table at Sirius, who was drinking his pumpkin juice and nodding. “When are we leaving?” Harry hadn’t seen any of his friends this morning when he had woken up and he was thankful. He wasn’t ready to face them after last night. 

“I have some stuff to do here with the clean up and then we’ll be off. Probably by supper time we’ll be leaving. Is that alright?” 

“Brilliant. I’ll borrow a broom and fly. I haven’t really flown in a while. I’ll come back for lunch.”

“If you want to help us, I’m sure we’d all love it.” Harry smiled, climbing out of his seat before Sirius could rope him into chores. 

“I know what chores look like here. I’ll leave it to the grown ups.” Harry left the hall, ignoring the stares and the smiles he received when walking by other students. Once he was on his way to the Quidditch pitch he realized how much he had changed from year one to now. Back then he was just struggling to keep up with his homework and Quidditch practices. Now, he was concerned about turning the corner and seeing the ghosts of students that were dead because of him. Maybe flying was the only way Harry could escape from reality, even if it was for a few hours. 

“Harry!” Harry turned, seeing Ginny running down to catch up with him. “Sirius told me you were flying.”

“Uh, yeah. I doubt I’ll be able to do it in the center of London all summer. I usually fly when I come to the Burrow, but I doubt that’s going to happen this summer.” Ginny frowned but didn’t press Harry on it, which he was thankful for. “You want to join me?” She smiled, nodding. 

“You want to go get the quaffle or snitch?”

“Let’s just stick to flying.” Ginny let Harry lead her down to the Quidditch pitch and soon they were up in the air, flying around the grounds of the school. 

~~

“So are we going to talk about it?” Harry looked over at Ginny as they were putting the brooms back into the Quidditch storeroom. “The fact that you told me we couldn’t be together because of some stupid self-sacrificing thing and now that it’s done, I thought maybe, y’know.” She shrugged, turning pink. 

“Ginny, listen. I -I want to, but you must hate me because of Fred. I can’t live knowing that I'm the reason my girlfriend’s brother is dead.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you that it isn’t your fault.”

“Yes it is! No matter what anyone tries to tell me, at the end of the day it will be my fault for everyone’s death. Voldemort came looking for  _ me _ . He wanted  _ me _ and when I wouldn’t just go and meet him. All those deaths are on my hands.” Ginny scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Harry. You can’t live like this. At some point you have to accept that people die. Especially in battle.”

“Everyone I’ve ever cared about has died, Ginny.  _ Everyone _ eventually dies when they get close enough to me. The next person won’t be you.” Without hearing Ginny’s answer, Harry turned and left her standing in the Quidditch storeroom. He passed by Ron and Hermione, not even giving them a friendly smile before finding Sirius in Professor McGonagall’s transfiguration classroom with the rest of the Order. 

“Harry! I was about to come find you. Are you all set to leave?” Harry nodded. “You sure? Ron and Hermione told Molly what happened last night and I know that you haven’t talked to them yet.” 

“How could you possibly know that?”

“Well, I didn’t until now so thank you for confirming it for me.” Harry was frustrated. Why did everyone want to talk to him like it was just a normal day. Yesterday people died because of him. Harry had died, resurrected, and defeated Voldemort yesterday. “Go talk to them, Harry. Don’t shut them out because you’re hurt. They were by your side every step of the way, allow yourself a bit of comfort.” Harry fell back into 

“Sirius, Fred’s dead because of me. So did Tonks and Lavender and Colin Cre-” Sirius kneeled down his hand on Harry’s knee. 

“Harry, you have to know that none of those deaths are  _ your _ fault. No one blames you. We all were fighting so we could have a better life. Death happens in war, Harry.”

“I lost everyone, Sirius. I tried so hard to keep them safe and I lost them all. I lost my parents because Voldemort chose  _ me _ as an equal.” 

“Harry, believe me when I say none of that was your fault. You got unlucky, but that’s all over now. It’s  _ over _ .” Harry didn’t believe it. It couldn’t be over. It wasn’t that easy. Someone touched Harry’s shoulder, the seventeen year old seeing Mrs. Weasley staring down at him. 

“None of us, none of the order, or my family blame you for anything. F-Fred would have fought even if you didn’t show up.” Harry could see that Molly was trying to hold back tears which didn’t help him feel any better about himself. Arthur pulled Molly away before she was a crying mess on Harry, who probably would have burst into tears if he saw her cry. 

“Potter, what Mrs. Weasley is trying to say, is that no one here or elsewhere blames you for the deaths that happened last night. You were trying to stop every disappearance and death. It just so happened that a war was needed and people die in war, even in the innocent. It’s not your fault. The person at fault is Voldemort, not you.” 

“Professor McGo-”

“That is the end of this discussion. Now, will you be coming back next year to finish your classes or are we departing for the last time.”

“He’ll be back,” Sirius declared before Harry could even say anything. “Lily and James would want that, Minerva, you know they would.” Professor McGonagall nodded and Harry just had to trust Sirius. “He’ll be at Grimmauld Place with me this summer so you can send his letter there. No need for him to be at the Burrow.” 

“Just hang on a second,” Mrs. Weasley chided, “it’s a tradition that Harry comes to ours for the last month of summer. Just because your name has finally been cleared, doesn’t mean that tradition stops!” 

“I think I can ask for some time with my godson, Molly.”

“You’ll have two months together! You can’t just take him away! He’s the one constant in the Wea-”

“He should be the one constant at Grimmauld Place! He should have been a long time ago.”

“Why don’t we just have dinner together every other Saturday? That way I can stay with Sirius but you and your family still see me,” Harry chided, wanting to stop the argument before it got any further. Both Mrs. Weasley and Sirius looked at Harry, who was looking between the two of them. 

“You want to stay with him then?” Molly gestured to Harry’s godfather, before looking at Harry. “All summer?”

“Mrs. Weasley, I  _ love _ the Burrow. It’s basically my home and I will go back willingly, but this summer I think everything will be too fresh for me to stay somewhere like the Burrow. I’ll write every week if you want.” Mrs. Weasley bit her lip, but looked like she understood that Harry couldn’t take the idea of going somewhere that Fred was supposed to be, but wasn’t. 

“Oh, alright! Every other Saturday though, I will hold you both to that. If you cancel, I will come and rescue him.” Harry smiled. 

“He doesn’t need rescuing from his own godfather, Molly, besides I think Potter could take on Sirius if he wanted to,” Professor McGonagall said with a straight face. “Anyways, Sirius, you and Potter should get going if you want to get anything done at Grimmauld Place.” Sirius nodded, patting Harry on the shoulder, before leading the way out of the office. 

“Sirius, do I really have to come -”

“Yes. Your parents would want you to finish your schooling and I will make sure you do for them.” 

“I saw them.” Sirius stopped walking, turning to Harry. “The snitch that Dumbledore gave me had the Resurrection Stone. I saw my mum and dad.”

“Who else did you see?”

“Just them. They said they’ve been with me the entire time. They told me to stay with you after it ends.”

“What else did they say?” Harry opened his mouth to continue, but closed in the moment he heard Ron shouting his name. Hermione and Ginny were following right behind Ron. “I’ll meet you at the front of the school.” Sirius patted Harry’s back before leaving him with his best friend. 

“You thought you’d just slip away without saying goodbye to any of us? That’s low, even for you.”

“Ron!” Hermione moved so she was now standing almost in front of Ron. “Listen, Harry, we understand that you just want to get away from all of this, we do, but don’t push us away too. We were the ones who spent all year with you trying to help. We still want to help you, you just have to let us in. We don’t know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking that I want to go spend a summer with my godfather that I barely get to see. I’ll see you guys soon. I just, I need to be alone for right now.”

“Harry,” Ginny tried to stop him, but he just pushed passed, ignoring the feeling that he was going to have to face angry friends whenever he saw them next. 

~~

“Pick a room. I’m assuming it will be the room that you stayed in when you were on the run.” Harry looked at Sirius alarmed. “Kreacher told me. I was staying with Remus for that time. You’re welcome, by the way. When I told Remus you three were here, he almost called Molly. You’re lucky it was close to the full moon.” 

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t really know what you were up to, but I knew that if you were seriously in trouble, you would have called.” Sirius walked down the narrow hallway into the kitchen. “Pick a room and come back down!” Harry walked up the stairs, ignoring the screaming portraits, and chose the bedroom that he and Ron stayed in when it was Harry’s first time here. He threw his backpack on the bed that he had slept in before going back down, finding Sirius in an apron, cooking. 

“Uh, Sirius?”

“Perfect timing! Grab an apron and start chopping the vegetables.” Harry looked around, trying to see if someone had cursed Sirius, confused. “It’ll distract you, Harry, trust me. I taught myself how to cook after everything happened.” Harry really just wanted to be alone, but he knew that Sirius would never allow that. The reason Sirius wanted Harry with him in the first place was because he wanted to get to know Harry better and the fact he didn’t want Harry to be alone. There was no way that Harry would be left alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really appreciate some feedback if you guys would give it to me!


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry isn't coping

“They’ll be here in an hour. Go wash up.” Harry nodded, heading to his room to get ready for the Weasley family to arrive. Over the past week, Harry spent time with Sirius, but barely spoke to him. Harry knew that his godfather was disappointed, but Harry wasn’t in the mood to talk. He knew what the subject would be and he didn’t want to talk about the dead, or how he shouldn’t blame himself.  _ It’s your fault they’re dead. All of them are dead because of you, Potter. _ His brain wouldn’t stop reminding him. Harry allowed it to continue because he knew that it was right. Everyone had died because of him. Voldemort killed all of those people to get to Harry. Harry couldn’t hold it back anymore. He fell onto his bed and couldn’t help the sobs that escaped his body. His head fell into his hands and he continued to cry. “Harry,” Sirius appeared in Harry’s door, seeing his godson broken, he immediately closed the door, producing a silencing charm before joining Harry on the bed, lightly rubbing his back. 

“It’s my f-fault.” 

“No it’s not, Harry. Trust me when I say that with or without-”

“Yes it is! He killed all of them to get to  _ me _ . He wanted me, Sirius and I wouldn’t let him have me, so he killed people!”

“He would’ve continued to kill after you were dead, Harry. More people would be dead if you didn’t stop him.” 

“He killed all those students, Sirius. He killed Tonks and F-Fr-” Harry couldn’t say his name, not without sobs wracking his body. “Voldemort killed him, Sirius.”

“Harry, there’s always going to be casualties in war. You must have known that going in. They knew the risks going in. They didn’t have to be there and they still chose to fight. We all knew the risks, Harry, just some of us got luckier than others. No one blames you, Harry. Why should you blame yourself?”

“Ginny blames me. She’s never said it, but I can see it in her face. She doesn’t exactly seem comfortable around me either.”

“Harry. She probably doesn’t know what to do because you’re being so cold to everyone. Did you even say goodbye to Ron and Hermione?” Harry shook his head. “Ginny doesn’t know what to do or say to make you feel better. Ron and Hermione, well, they were with you the entire way and then you just left. You ran off on your own and didn’t tell them where you were headed. They’re probably upset.” Harry sighed, knowing that Sirius was trying to help, but honestly, he wasn’t helping at all. 

~~

Ron and Hermione were laying out in the field behind the Burrow. It seemed to be the only place they could go and not be bothered by anyone. They lay side by side, their shoulders barely touching as their hands were intertwined. It was silent until Ron broke it asking, “Why’d you think he did it?”

“Hm?”

“Why’d you think Harry ran off into the forest alone? I mean, he could have told us, but he took the cloak and left. I don’t think he was trying to escape.” 

“Harry didn’t want us following him. He knew that if he had told anyone of his plan, someone would try to follow. He saw what happened, he saw how many people had died that night. You heard him talk about it, Ron. He probably didn’t want any of us to follow him.” Ron scoffed, standing up, Hermione scrambling to get up and follow him. “Don’t be upset at him, Ron! As much as we went through, it can’t be compared with what he went through, Ron! He’s lived his entire life in fear of Voldemort trying to get to him. Harry has had more people he cares about die than anyone.”

“Fred died, Hermione!” Ron spun around so quickly, Hermione almost ran into him. “Fred died and Percy and I were right there unable to do anything! Do you know what that’s like?” 

“Ron! I didn’t mean it like that-”

“Oh, no, of course not! You just meant that precious little Potter has had more loss. That doesn’t make it any worse than losing a brother-”

“Jesus, no need to scream, Ron, the entire group of reporters could probably hear you.” Ron and Hermione turned around to see Ginny walking towards them. “Mum says that we have to get to London, but if you guys want to continue this lover’s quarrel I can tell Mum that one of you doesn't feel well.” 

“No! We’ll come. I want to see how Harry’s doing.” Ron rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Ronald, he  _ died _ , resurrected, and killed Voldemort. I’m sorry that I want to see how my friend is coping.”

“I don’t think he’ll want to see any of us.” Ron and Hermione looked at Ginny. “Sirius wrote to Mum earlier in the week saying Harry hasn’t spoken to him at all. I doubt that’ll change for us. If he won’t talk to Sirius, I doubt he’ll talk to any of us.”

“You’re his girlfriend, Ginny, he’ll talk to you.” Ron wrapped his arm around his younger sister, seeing the distress she was in. “Even if he doesn’t, you’ll stick to it ‘cause you’re you and he’s Harry.”

“Gee, thanks. I didn’t know that.” Ginny rolled her eyes and removed Ron’s arm from around her. “I’ll let you two finish your conversation, just get to the house in like five minutes.” Both Ron and Hermione watched as Ginny walked away before talking.

“If Harry hurts her-”

“He doesn’t know he’s doing it, Ron. He has so much guilt he doesn’t see how much he’s hurting the rest of us. Talk to him tonight, tell him.”  
“Why me?” Ron almost looked _afraid_ to do it. “I don’t want to be the one to break Harry.”

“You won’t break him. It’ll snap him out of it. Let’s go, your mum may have a fit if we’re missing for any longer.” Hermione grabbed Ron’s hand and pulled him back to the Burrow. 

When they arrived at Grimmauld Place, Sirius told Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, that Harry was still in his room and that they were welcome to go up. He mentioned that the room probably was changed since Harry had been spending all week settling into the bedroom he chose. Hermione had told Ginny that Ron should talk to Harry alone first, so the two girls allowed Ron to go up first before they followed. 

“He’s going to kill him. My brother is going to kill my boyfriend.” Hermione smiled. “Harry wants to be left alone, why can’t we all just give him space?”

“I would, but Harry shouldn’t be left alone like this. Especially since there are still Death Eaters out there. He’s not safe when he’s like this. It’s like our fifth year, well, your fourth, all over again. Harry wasn’t okay. Trust me, Ginny, Ron will snap him out of it.” 

Harry was curled up on the bed when Ron entered. He didn’t flinch, making Ron question if Harry was actually asleep, but his eyes were wide open, staring into nothing. 

“Hey, Harry.” No response. “Mate, you’ve got to snap out of it. You’re scaring me.” Harry blinked, looking at Ron. “Hiya, Harry.”

“Hey,” Harry said so subdued it scared Ron. “Must’ve lost track of time.” Harry sat up and Ron got a good look at him. Harry was pale, scarily pale. His eyes had dark circles almost like he wasn’t sleeping, and his hair looked almost as greasy as Sirius’s when the trio first met him. 

“Harry, are you okay?” Harry didn’t respond. “Harry, I can’t say I know what you’re feeling because I don’t, no one does, but you have to let some of us on, even if it’s just one of us. You’re pushing us away, Harry, and I  _ know _ you don’t mean it, but you are. You’re hurting Hermione and me. Sirius looks worse than when we first met him. If you don’t care about that, Ginny’s been crying every night to Mum. She thinks we can’t hear her, but it’s awful, Harry. She thinks it’s her fault-”

“She knows it isn’t.” 

“No one knows anything, Harry, you’re not talking to us! We don’t know shit about how you’re feeling because you’re pushing us away! For all we know it could be because of Ginny!” Harry stood up fast, fists clenched. 

“You know it’s none of you! People died, Ron! They died because of me! I can’t look at any of your family without remembering that Fred died because of me! I can’t look at Sirius without seeing Snape’s memories of my parents’ dead bodies laying on the floor because Voldemort wanted me! I can’t close my eyes because all I see is a flash of green and then I feel nothing! I relive my death every time I sleep! If not that, those who died for me are screaming at me to help them and I can’t do anything-” At that moment, Hermione and Ginny came running in, both girls looking at Harry and Ron. Harry was close to tears, but angry, and Ron’s mouth was hung open in shock. Ginny didn’t even hesitate about grabbing Harry’s hand and pulling him towards the bed so that he would sit down. Hermione grabbed Ron and pulled him out of the room before they could see Harry burst into tears. “I’m so sorry, Gin, I’m so so sorry.” Ginny didn’t say anything, but pulled Harry into a well needed hug. “I didn’t mean for them to die. I didn’t want them to die.”

“Harry, it isn’t your fault. Everyone knows that.” Ginny ran a hand through Harry’s hair, not caring about how dirty it actually was. “I’m not going to tell you to let it go. It’s been a week, but I will keep telling you to stop blaming yourself. They knew what they were getting into before you ever asked them to fight at Hogwarts. We all knew the risks. There are going to be casualties in war, Harry, no matter what the reason for the war is. Please know that none of us blame you. They know it isn’t your fault.” Harry didn’t say anything, but Ginny noticed that he was sniffling now, not sobbing, which she took as a small feat. 

“I was there. I saw Fred die, Gin.” Harry felt Ginny’s hand slow when he said that. “If I was faster I could have stopped-”

“Harry, talking about it isn’t going to bring him back. Besides, F-Fred would want us to remember him and his jokes, not his death.” Harry pulled back, away from Ginny’s arms, looking at his girlfriend. “You okay?” He shrugged. “Are you okay for dinner? I’ll go back with an excuse for you if you want to stay up here.” Harry shook his head. “Then you may want to wash your hair. Mum may have a fit if she sees what you look like.” Harry gave a hint of a smile and Ginny knew that he would be okay. “I’ll wait here if you want to walk down together. Or I can have Ron and Hermione come up if you want to talk to them.”

“You can wait here. I don’t think I can handle the others at the moment.” Ginny nodded, understanding that Harry wasn’t ready for just how crowded Grimmauld Place was. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“You’re gonna need more than a few minutes. Your hair’s pretty back.” Harry shrugged, grabbing a set of clean clothes, leaving Ginny alone in his room. This gave her a chance to look around and actually see just how much Harry was struggling. She saw his backpack was in the corner of his room along with his trunk, collecting dust looking unopened. She also saw the sword of Gryffindor, still caked in Nagini’s blood, resting on the dresser against the wall. The elder wand was also on the dresser, looking as if Harry hadn’t touched it since he caught it at the battle. The rest of the room, besides the bed, looked untouched. It was almost as if Harry had placed his belonging in a corner and fell asleep for the past week, not waking up. Ginny felt her stomach drop. Harry hadn’t been doing anything but laying in bed all week and telling Sirius he was just busy settling in. 

She walked to the window, opening the blinds and turning to see just how dusty Harry’s room had been. She went over, grabbing Harry’s wand from his nightstand, saying a spell under her breath and soon the room was sparkling. The bed had been made, the surfaces were dusted, and the pillows were fluffed. At least the room looked lived in now. Ginny just had to get Harry to actually live again. 


	6. Six

When Harry returned from his shower, he saw the state of his room, his eyes going to Ginny who was smiling gently at him while sitting in the arm chair that was in the corner of Harry’s room. 

“You cleaned up.”

“Well, I just said a spell, but yeah, I cleaned up. You need to have a room where you can somewhat feel like it’s your own. I would change the wall colors if I could.” Harry smiled, dropping his dirty clothes on his bed before stopping in front of Ginny and pulling her into a hug. 

“Thank you.” 

“Couldn’t have my boyfriend living in a pigsty. Especially with the mental state he’s in.” Harry could tell Ginny was trying to brush it off, but to him it meant a lot since he never truly had that one person who truly cared about him. “I hear Ron and Hermione coming up, let’s go before Ron gets any ideas.” Harry pulled away, but slid his hand into Ginny’s, almost like if he didn’t have her near him, she’d disappear. “I’m not going anywhere, Harry.”  
“For moral support.” Ginny smiled, letting Harry pull her out of his room, almost running into Ron and Hermione on the landing. 

“Finally! Mum said we couldn’t eat without you guys and I’m starving.” Hermione hit Ron’s shoulder, but Harry just smiled. 

“When aren’t you hungry, Ron?” Ginny, Hermione, and Ron looked at Harry at the statement, shocked that Harry had said something so lighthearted for the first time. “C’mon, next they’ll send your mum and she still scares me.” With that, Harry pulled Ginny between Ron and Hermione, leading the way into the dining room. Ron and Hermione stood there, looking after their best friend. Hermione burst into tears and Ron just stood there in shock. 

“‘Mione, c’mon, he’s alright, see?” Ron pulled Hermione into a hug, Hermione wrapping her arms around his waist. “He made a snarky comment, he’s getting there.”

“He’s been through so much, Ron, and w-we can’t do a-anything!” 

“We can be there for him, can’t we? That’s what you said this afternoon. Ginny’s doing that pretty well, but we know what it was like.”

“You’re right.” Hermione stood up straight, wiping her eyes. “How do I look? I don’t want Harry to have another thing to blame himself for.”

“Well, you look like you’ve been crying, but then again, so does Harry so you match.” Hermione rolled her eyes, but smiled at her boyfriend. “Don’t worry, Harry will know you’re crying because he’s getting back to normal. He knows you. C”mon, I’m starving.” Ron grabbed Hermione’s hand and pulled his girlfriend after Harry and Ginny. 

~~  
Harry sat in silence, listening to the conversation, not minding that he wasn’t really included. He knew that Sirius most likely told the Weasley’s to not overwhelm Harry and he was thankful for it. Harry didn’t know what would happen if he had to talk. 

“So Harry’s going back to Hogwarts?” Harry looked up from his food to see that Ginny had asked the question to Sirius. 

“James and Lily would want Harry to be fully educated. Harry’s not happy about it, but he’ll understand it.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to put Harry back there so soon.”

“Ginny!” Mrs. Weasley looked appalled. “You’re not to question Sirius’s parenting!” Ginny shrugged continuing, “I mean, Hogwarts is where everything basically happened. It’s not healthy to push him back there before he’s ready. Besides, he’s an adult I think he-”

“I’ll be fine. I have three months to get over it.” The entire table looked at Harry and he accidentally looked at George, his stomach immediately dropping. “Excuse me.” Harry pushed his chair back, leaving his food barely eaten, ignoring Ginny calling his name, and sped walked out of the kitchen and to his room. He thought a week would be enough to at least be able to look at George, but the guilt was still as bad as the day of the battle. 

~~

“Did I do something,” George asked and Ginny turned back towards the table. “He looked at me and seemed like he saw a ghost.” 

“Nah, Harry’s just not feeling his best at the moment,” Sirius chided, patting George on the back, but almost everyone at the table knew why Harry had run. Harry saw Fred’s face in George’s and immediately felt the guilt of Fred’s death. 

“I told him.” Everyone looked at Ginny. “I told him that none of us blame him. I said that we know that it wasn’t his fault and that F-Fr-well,  _ he _ knew the consequences before he arrived at Hogwarts.”

“I tried to talk to him today and he just continued to blame himself for everyone’s death, not just those that we knew, but every single death that was because of Voldemort,” Sirius added to the conversation. “I thought I would be able to help him, but I don’t even know where to start with him.” 

“He always used to walk around the grounds when he was really stressed last year.” Everyone looked at Ginny. 

“No, he’d come to us,” Ron stated and Ginny just rolled her eyes. “What?”  
“He’d wait for me to get out of Care of Magical Creatures and we’d go to the Quidditch pitch or the lake and talk about plans for the team. When we finished that we’d just sorta sit in silence. He always seemed to be thinking, even if he told me he wasn’t.”

“When would you guys be gone?”

“You’d be with Lavender and Hermione was still in class. Did you ever think about how Harry and I would always walk into dinner together?”

“You were still with Dean!” 

“Oh for god’s sakes we weren’t snogging! I was the only person in the castle who didn’t ask him about his scar, his classes with Dumbledore, or how he was feeling!” The table fell silent. “I was the only person who knew what it was like to be possessed by Voldemort. I’m still the only person at this table who knows what it’s like.” Ginny turned to Sirius. “He likes being outside because he can’t be trapped. Also, a breath of fresh air helps clear your mind, no matter who-” They heard footsteps and fell silent. Ginny turned towards the doorway to see Harry leaning against it, his jacket in hands. 

“Erm, I was gonna walk around and see if any of you wanted to come?” Ron stood up, only to immediately be pulled back down by Hermione. Ginny nodded, standing up. “Anyone else?” Sirius looked like he wanted to go, but held himself back to let Harry have time with Ginny. Sirius would get him for most of the summer. “C’mon, Gin.” Harry led the way out of Grimmauld Place into the streets of London. Ginny noticed that Harry had his wand in his back pocket. 

“Is the wand really necessary?”

“They said most of the Death Eaters ran away before they could be captured. I’m just being careful, Gin.” Harry gently took her hand, leading her down street after street. 

“Where exactly are we going?” Harry just shrugged. “Listen, I don’t want to get lost. You can apparate, but I can’t yet and I would really appreciate-” She stopped talking when she saw where Harry had led her. 

“Piccadilly Circus,” Harry informed her. “I used to dream of coming here when I was at the Dursleys. Ron, Hermione, and I apparated here when Bill and Fluer’s wedding was, y’know, but I never got to really see it.”

“So you came back this past week?” Harry shook his head. “So why bring me here?”

“You’re the only person who doesn’t stress me out. Everyone else wants me to talk and it seems like you know that even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could.” He smiled gently at the youngest Weasley and pulled her across the street towards theatres. “Besides, I want to explore the world with you.” Harry immediately blushed as Ginny felt her heart skip a beat. “That wasn’t supposed to come out.” 

“Don’t you go all romantic on me Potter. I can’t stand it. Let’s explore London first.” It was Ginny’s turn to pull Harry around. “Mum would have a heart attack if she figured out where you brought me. She’s still convinced I’m not safe.” Ginny regretted her words immediately when she saw that Harry’s smile disappeared from his face and he looked at anything but her. 

“I mean, you’re with me. Everyone I love seems to die.” Ginny stopped walking, making Harry stop short, the shoppers behind them getting annoyed for having to walk around them. “What?” Ginny pulled Harry into an alleyway, pushing him against the wall as Ginny leaned against the other wall. “Ginny, what are we in here for? Did you see something?”

“No. I stopped because not everyone you ever loved died. Sirius is still alive, trying to help you. Mum and Dad are still breathing and Mum’s as worried as ever about you. Ron and Hermione are still alive last I checked, shockingly they didn’t kill each other yet.” Harry let out a quiet laugh, making Ginny smile. “Basically the entirety of Dumbledore’s Army is still alive. They’ve asked me already if we’re continuing our meetings next year. Lupin is moving in to Grimmauld Place so I think he’s still alive.”

“So many more died, Gin. I can’t just forget that.” Ginny pushed herself off the wall, wrapping her arms around Harry’s waist. “I can’t let them be forgotten.”

“They won’t be, Harry. There’s a difference between letting them always be remembered and letting the guilt eat away at you. You did everything you could, Harry. It was a war, there was going to be casualties.”

“Most of them were so young, Ginny. If only I went I would have stopped-”

“No. I won’t let you think like that. You died for them, Harry. Sure, you came back, but you went and died for all of those who lost their lives. They’d want you to live, Harry.” 

“How can I when every time I close my eyes I see them. I can’t sleep without seeing their faces. They blame me and I know it’s my fault because if I had just given myself up at the graveyard, none of this would have-”

“It would have happened, Harry. It would still be happening if you didn’t have us fight. If you didn’t do whatever you needed to do the past year, thousands more would die, Harry. Please tell me you know that. People died in battle, but I promise you, you stopped more people from dying. I want you to know that.  _ You _ stopped it from happening.” Harry sighed, finally wrapping his arms around Ginny. 

“I couldn’t help them all. I wanted to help them all.”

“We can’t always save everyone, Harry. We all know you did your best.” Harry hugged Ginny tighter and the youngest Weasley heard a sob. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save him, Ginny. I didn’t want anyone else dying for me.”

“Harry, none of us blame you. No one in the world blames you, I promise you. Mum has been worried sick about you blaming yourself for that.”

“Your family has been through so much I didn’t want to be the reason for anything else.” Ginny sighed knowing that he was right. “First with Bill, then with the Wedding, and then the Battle of Hogwarts. I don’t want anything else to happen to your family. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it, Gin. I can’t lose anyone else.” Ginny hugged Harry tighter. 

“It’s over, Harry. We’re safe.”

“No, it isn’t. More than half the Death Eaters escaped the battle. They’re still violent. They’ll be looking for me.” 

“You won’t be alone. You’ve got so many people to protect-”

“I’m not scared about that! I’m scared about them using you, or Sirius, or any of your family as bait to get to me. I don’t want to live a life like that and I don’t want you or anyone else living a life of looking over your shoulder.” 

“The ministry is on it, Harry. It’s not always up to you alone. Let them do something for once.” Harry sighed, but didn’t fight Ginny. “Let’s get you home, yeah? My mum is probably going nuts and Sirius is probably going to come after us soon.” Harry nodded, letting Ginny take his hand and pull him back into the crowd. 


	7. Seven

Ron was pacing the entirety of Harry’s room and Hermione sat on Harry’s bed, watching her boyfriend. Ron was stressed. Ginny and Harry had been gone for over two hours and no one had heard anything from them. 

“Ron, the war is over. They will be okay.”

“The Death Eaters are still out there! They could see that Ginny means something to Harry and take her! Harry’s not in the mental state to take care of Ginny!”

“Ginny is capable of taking herself and Harry. I don’t even have to explain why he’s fine. Even at his worst moments, he’s one of the best wizards in the world right now.”

“He’s also the most wanted.”

“Ron!” 

“I’m just saying the truth! The Death Eaters want  _ him _ and will do anything to get to him. My brother is already dead, who else needs to die for Harry?” Hermione looked behind Ron, her face dropped and Ron immediately knew that Harry and Ginny were back. He turned around and Harry was standing in the doorway, Ginny frowning at her brother from behind Harry. “Harry I-”

“It’s fine, Ron.” He walked towards his bed, Ginny staying in the doorway. ``I just need some sleep so if you don’t mind.” He waved towards the door and Ron swallowed as Hermione looked guilty. “Seriously guys, I get it. I do. I’d blame me too.”

“Harry-”

“Ron, I just really need sleep right now. I’ll see you guys next weekend.” Harry turned his back on Hermione, Ginny, and Ron. The three looked at each other before Ginny nodded her head towards the hallway and they left Harry alone. 

“Ginny, we can’t just leave him like that.”

“I know, Hermione. We’re not going to, but he needs space at the moment. He just heard his best friend blame him for his brother’s murder after hearing from his girlfriend that no one blames him. Ron, I know you didn’t mean it, but it hurt him. Honestly, sometimes you need to think before you say things. I’m gonna stay here for the week, okay? I’ll make sure he’s okay and doesn’t do something stupid. Give him time, he’ll be okay.”

“Ginny-”

“No, Ron, you’ve done enough today. I would ask Hermione to stay, but you two are inseparable and he doesn’t need to see Ron right now.” Ginny looked towards her brother and saw Ron looking like he was about to vomit. “Ron, I’ll let him know you didn’t mean it and so does Harry. I’d just advise you to give him a few days. Trust me. If you really feel bad, write to him and then send it halfway through the week.”

“Mum’s never going to let you stay here alone,” Ron stated, looking at his little sister. “She barely lets you go anywhere with Harry alone.”

“She’ll understand it, don’t worry. Besides, now you can have Hermione in your room and  _ not _ have me to worry about.” Hermione and Ron blushed and Ginny rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna go talk to Mum.” 

~~

Harry heard a knock on his bedroom door before Sirius appeared. Harry’s godfather sighed, seeing his godson lying splayed out on his bed, staring blankly at his wall. 

“Harry, this isn’t healthy.”

“Hm?”  
“I get that you’re grieving, although I can’t even begin to understand what you went through, but you have to let someone in. Please, if not for yourself, for me.”

“I let Ginny in. It’s just an off day.”

“You’ve been having an off day for a week, Harry. Ginny told me what Ron said. Please tell me you don’t believe that. It’s not your fault.” 

“It is my fault, Sirius. How can it not be when I’m the reason they were fighting in the first place?”

“That isn’t why we’re fighting. You lit the flame, sure, but we were fighting Voldemort long before you were born, Harry. The only reason why we didn’t continue to fight, was because we thought he was dead. You were the wizard that told everyone that Voldemort was back and the world became the same way as it was during the first war. Harry, just because you were the wizard that had to fight Voldemort, doesn’t mean that we fought for you. We fought for ourselves. We fought for those who couldn’t fight. We fought for our children and our children’s children. I also know for a fact that Ron Weasley, your best friend, didn’t mean to blame you. We all were worried about the both of you and Ron, well, you know how he gets when he’s worried. Do  _ not _ take those words to heart.” 

“How can I just let that go? Sure, he was upset, but he said what he truly felt. I don’t blame him because I know it was my fault. I could have saved him, Sirius. He was right next to me.”

“Harry. I’ve told you before, there will be casualties in war, no matter how badly you don’t want there to be, they’ll always have to exist. No fights happen without casualties.”

“Why did it have to be me? Why couldn’t I just be normal?”

“Because you’re the strongest wizard that existed and Voldemort was scared of you,” Ginny pitched in from Harry’s doorway. “It’s a backhanded compliment really, but it shows that you’re obviously the most powerful wizard.”

“It could have been Neville, but Voldemort chose me.” Sirius sighed, looking at Ginny. He didn’t know what to say. “I just need to sleep it off.” 

“I’ll stay with him. You get some sleep, Sirius.” Sirius sighed, but stood up, laying a hand on Ginny’s shoulder before brushing past her. “Hey, Sirius.” Ginny turned around looking at Harry’s godfather, who was halfway down the hallway. “I’ve got an idea on how to help him, but you’re going to be more useful than me I think.”

“We’ll talk tomorrow about it. Get some sleep and then we can talk about it.” Sirius smiled. “Have a nice rest, Ginny, and thank you for taking care of him.” Ginny smiled and nodded, watching as Sirius walked into his own room before she walked back into Harry’s. 

“You know, you don’t have to watch over me. I’ll be fine, Gin.” Ginny sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. Harry sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed so he was sitting next to Ginny. “I’m just kind of numb. My entire childhood was about defeating Voldemort and my life was supposed to end at the battle. Now, I don’t know what to do. Sirius said Kinglsey told him that if I ever wanted to join the Aurors, I’d have a spot, but I’d have enough violence. He said that my parents would want me back to Hogwarts to finish, but I don’t know if I can step back into the halls. Ron blames me, don’t tell me he doesn’t, because he just said he did. Hermione will be making sure Ron is okay, so I don’t want to bother her. I won’t bother you, Gin, no matter how much you tell me to. You lost your brother, Ginny, I won’t bother you with my bad coping mechanisms. I just- I feel numb, Ginny, and no matter what I do I can’t do anything to make it go away.”

“Harry James Potter, you listen to me and you listen to me good. Your childhood was  _ ripped _ from you by Dumbledore and Voldemort. You lost  _ everyone _ and you still fought for everyone to get a better life. You are  _ not _ to blame for the casualties of wars. Yes, F-Fred died, but that was  _ not _ your fault. Ron doesn’t blame you, I know he doesn’t because he talked to Mum the other day about it and I heard the entire conversation. It’s not my place to say, but trust me, he doesn’t blame you. If you want to go back to Hogwarts, you won’t be alone. I’ll be there and Luna. The entire D.A. will be there for you, Harry. We can go through it together. If you don’t, then it’s okay. It’s up to you, Harry. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. You’ve had enough of that.” Ginny took Harry’s hand. “Please, do what you want and not what others want from you. You’ll have everyone rooting for you either way.” 

“I’m sorry. You don’t need my issues-”

“This relationship is only going to work if we both talk to each other. If it will make you feel better, I’ll talk to you about my problems.”

“Lay it on me.” Harry swung his legs up so he was laying back. Ginny smiled, laying down next to him, both of them looking at the ceiling. 

“Mum and George won’t stop crying about Fred, so Dad and I have taken it on the role to plan his funeral. Dad also is really busy at the ministry trying to gather up the Death Eaters who deserted Voldemort at Hogwarts. Ron is planning on going to Australia with Hermione to find her parents, but he’s annoyed since Dad and I are trying to get him to stay for the funeral. Then apparently Fleur is pregnant and Bill is saying she shouldn’t apparate so they may not come to the funeral. Then I feel numb because I saw you dead in Hagrid’s arms and you left without telling anyone. You didn’t say goodbye and it hurt knowing that you  _ knew _ you were going to die and you didn’t say anything.” 

“Gin-”

“No. It’s my turn. It made me realize no one really told you how much you mean to people. I don’t just mean that you’re the Chosen One, but I mean as their friend. Neville looks up to you because you were the only person who stuck with him during the D.A. meetings. You were the only one who believed in him. People in my year talk about you all the time because of the one time you stuck up for one of the girls to a slytherin. The Gryfindor common room last year had  _ posters _ of you around to inspire the students to keep going. The D.A. stayed in the Room of Requirements because we had faith that you would do the same. I fell in love with you the moment in your third year and my second year when you sat down near me when no one else would. Harry, you’re such a good person, you have no idea where it begins. Sometimes I want to whack you upside the head because of how thick you can be. You’ve got so many people who look up to you.” 

“You love me?” Ginny rolled her eyes. 

“Out of everything I said to you, you chose to hear that?” Harry blushed. “Yeah, I do, Harry, you couldn’t tell?” 

“I mean, I had more pressing things on my mind. Wait, that sounded bad. I didn’t mean that I didn’t want-”

“No, I understand. You had to defeat Voldemort for everyone. I came second.”

“No! Fuck, no. I wish that I could just be normal. If I were, we could’ve stayed together this last year, but he would’ve used you to get to me. I couldn’t let that happen, Gin, not when you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” Ginny felt a smile creep on her face without trying. “I watched you when I was on the run. I watched you on the map wherever I was. Then Ron came and told Hermione and I that your family was in hiding and then I just had to hope you were okay. Seeing you in the Room of Requirements made me feel relieved that you weren’t dead. That’s why I wanted you to stay in there. I didn’t want to lose you too.” 

“Harry-”

“I know you’ll say that you can take care of yourself, but I can’t help worry.” Ginny smiled, slipping her hand into Harry’s. “It’s in my nature, Gin, can’t really just turn it off.”

“I know, but next time you try to tell me not to fight, I’ll hex you.” Harry snorted, but looked at Ginny and knew that she wasn’t joking. “Now, get some sleep. You’ve got a busy day ahead of you.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’m the one who thought of it.” Harry rolled his eyes, but rolled over so he was laying on his side. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Ginny kissed Harry’s temple, getting up from the bed. 

“Stay,” Harry said softly, Ginny squeezed his hand and sat down on the edge of the bed, letting Harry drift off. 


End file.
